body was drawn up in the darkness at Jayhawk, and as the head of our
column reached that point at about 11 P.M., fell upon it with
astonishing fury, destroying the division of General Buxter in an
instant. General Baumschank's brigade of artillery, which was in the
rear, may have escaped--I did not wait to see, but withdrew my division
to the river at a point several miles above the ford, and at daylight
ferried it across on two fence rails lashed together with a suspender.
Its losses, from an effective strength of 11,200, are 11,199. General
Buxter is dead. I am changing my base to Mobile, Alabama.


_From Brigadier-General Schneddeker Baumschank, C.S.A., to the
Confederate Secretary of War._

IODINE, KENTUCKY, February 6, 1862.

... Yoost den somdings occur, I know nod vot it vos--somdings
mackneefcent, but it vas nod vor--und I finds meinselluf, afder leedle
viles, in dis blace, midout a hors und mit no men und goons. Sheneral
Peelows is deadt, You will blease be so goot as to resign me--I vights
no more in a dam gontry vere I gets vipped und knows nod how it vos
done.


_Resolutions of Congress_, February 15, 1862.

_Resolved_, That the thanks of Congress are due, and hereby tendered, to
Brigadier-General Jupiter Doke and the gallant men under his command for
their unparalleled feat of attacking--themselves only 2000 strong--an
army of 25,000 men and utterly overthrowing it, killing 5327, making
prisoners of 19,003, of whom more than half were wounded, taking 32
guns, 20,000 stand of small arms and, in short, the enemy's entire
equipment.

_Resolved_, That for this unexampled victory the President be requested
to designate a day of thanksgiving and public celebration of religious
rites in the various churches.

_Resolved_, That he be requested, in further commemoration of the great
event, and in reward of the gallant spirits whose deeds have added such
imperishable lustre to the American arms, to appoint, with the advice
and consent of the Senate, the following officer:

One major-general.


_Statement of Mr. Hannibal Alcazar Peyton, of Jayhawk, Kentucky._

Dat wus a almighty dark night, sho', and dese yere ole eyes aint wuf
shuks, but I's got a year like a sque'l, an' w'en I cotch de mummer o'
v'ices I knowed dat gang b'long on de far side o' de ribber. So I jes'
runs in de house an' wakes Marse Doke an' tells him: "Skin outer dis fo'
yo' life!" An' de Lo'd bress my soul! ef dat man didn' go right fru de
winder in his shir' tail an' break for to cross de mule patch! An' dem
twenty-free hunerd mules dey jes' t'nk it is de debble hese'f wid de
brandin' iron, an' dey bu'st outen dat patch like a yarthquake, an' pile
inter de upper ford road, an' flash down it five deep, an' it full o'
Con-fed'rates from en' to en'!...




THE WIDOWER TURMORE


The circumstances under which Joram Turmore became a widower have never
been popularly understood. I know them, naturally, for I am Joram
Turmore; and my wife, the late Elizabeth Mary Turmore, is by no means
ignorant of them; but although she doubtless relates them, yet they
remain a secret, for not a soul has ever believed her.

When I married Elizabeth Mary Johnin she was very wealthy, otherwise I
could hardly have afforded to marry, for I had not a cent, and Heaven
had not put into my heart any intention to earn one. I held the
Professorship of Cats in the University of Graymaulkin, and scholastic
pursuits had unfitted me for the heat and burden of business or labor.
Moreover, I could not forget that I was a Turmore--a member of a family
whose motto from the time of William of Normandy has been _Laborare est
errare_. The only known infraction of the sacred family tradition
occurred when Sir Aldebaran Turmore de Peters-Turmore, an illustrious
master burglar of the seventeenth century, personally assisted at a
difficult operation undertaken by some of his workmen. That blot upon
our escutcheon cannot be contemplated without the most poignant
mortification.

My incumbency of the Chair of Cats in the Graymaulkin University had
not, of course, been marked by any instance of mean industry. There had
never, at any one time, been more than two students of the Noble
Science, and by merely repeating the manuscript lectures of my
predecessor, which I had found among his effects (he died at sea on his
way to Malta) I could sufficiently sate their famine for knowledge
without really earning even the distinction which served in place of
salary.

Naturally, under the straitened circumstances, I regarded Elizabeth Mary
as a kind of special Providence. She unwisely refused to share her
fortune with me, but for that I cared nothing; for, although by the laws
of that country (as is well known) a wife has control of her separate
property during her life, it passes to the husband at her death; nor can
she dispose of it otherwise by will. The mortality among wives is