CURIOSITY, n.  An objectionable quality of the female mind.  The
desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one
of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.

CURSE, v.t.  Energetically to belabor with a verbal slap-stick.  This
is an operation which in literature, particularly in the drama, is
commonly fatal to the victim.  Nevertheless, the liability to a
cursing is a risk that cuts but a small figure in fixing the rates of
life insurance.

CYNIC, n.  A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are,
not as they ought to be.  Hence the custom among the Scythians of
plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.



D



DAMN, v.  A word formerly much used by the Paphlagonians, the meaning
of which is lost.  By the learned Dr. Dolabelly Gak it is believed to
have been a term of satisfaction, implying the highest possible degree
of mental tranquillity.  Professor Groke, on the contrary, thinks it
expressed an emotion of tumultuous delight, because it so frequently
occurs in combination with the word _jod_ or _god_, meaning "joy."  It
would be with great diffidence that I should advance an opinion
conflicting with that of either of these formidable authorities.

DANCE, v.i.  To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably
with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter.  There are many
kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two
sexes have two characteristics in common:  they are conspicuously
innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious.

DANGER, n.

  A savage beast which, when it sleeps,
      Man girds at and despises,
  But takes himself away by leaps
      And bounds when it arises.

Ambat Delaso


DARING, n.  One of the most conspicuous qualities of a man in
security.

DATARY, n.  A high ecclesiastic official of the Roman Catholic Church,
whose important function is to brand the Pope's bulls with the words
_Datum Romae_.  He enjoys a princely revenue and the friendship of
God.

DAWN, n.  The time when men of reason go to bed.  Certain old men
prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk
with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh.  They then
point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy
health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old,
not because of their habits, but in spite of them.  The reason we find
only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the
others who have tried it.

DAY, n.  A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.  This period
is divided into two parts, the day proper and the night, or day
improper -- the former devoted to sins of business, the latter
consecrated to the other sort.  These two kinds of social activity
overlap.

DEAD, adj.

  Done with the work of breathing; done
  With all the world; the mad race run
  Though to the end; the golden goal
  Attained and found to be a hole!

Squatol Johnes


DEBAUCHEE, n.  One who has so earnestly pursued pleasure that he has
had the misfortune to overtake it.

DEBT, n.  An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave-
driver.

  As, pent in an aquarium, the troutlet
  Swims round and round his tank to find an outlet,
  Pressing his nose against the glass that holds him,
  Nor ever sees the prison that enfolds him;
  So the poor debtor, seeing naught around him,
  Yet feels the narrow limits that impound him,
  Grieves at his debt and studies to evade it,
  And finds at last he might as well have paid it.

Barlow S. Vode


DECALOGUE, n.  A series of commandments, ten in number -- just enough
to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to
embarrass the choice.  Following is the revised edition of the