BEFRIEND, v.t.  To make an ingrate.

BEG, v.  To ask for something with an earnestness proportioned to the
belief that it will not be given.

  Who is that, father?
                        A mendicant, child,
  Haggard, morose, and unaffable -- wild!
  See how he glares through the bars of his cell!
  With Citizen Mendicant all is not well.

  Why did they put him there, father?

                                       Because
  Obeying his belly he struck at the laws.

  His belly?

              Oh, well, he was starving, my boy --
  A state in which, doubtless, there's little of joy.
  No bite had he eaten for days, and his cry
  Was "Bread!" ever "Bread!"

                              What's the matter with pie?

  With little to wear, he had nothing to sell;
  To beg was unlawful -- improper as well.

  Why didn't he work?

                       He would even have done that,
  But men said:  "Get out!" and the State remarked:  "Scat!"
  I mention these incidents merely to show
  That the vengeance he took was uncommonly low.
  Revenge, at the best, is the act of a Siou,
  But for trifles --

                      Pray what did bad Mendicant do?

  Stole two loaves of bread to replenish his lack
  And tuck out the belly that clung to his back.

  Is that _all_ father dear?

                              There's little to tell:
  They sent him to jail, and they'll send him to -- well,
  The company's better than here we can boast,
  And there's --

                  Bread for the needy, dear father?

                                                     Um -- toast.

Atka Mip


BEGGAR, n.  One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.

BEHAVIOR, n.  Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by
breeding.  The word seems to be somewhat loosely used in Dr. Jamrach
Holobom's translation of the following lines from the _Dies Irae_:

      Recordare, Jesu pie,
      Quod sum causa tuae viae.
      Ne me perdas illa die.

  Pray remember, sacred Savior,
  Whose the thoughtless hand that gave your
  Death-blow.  Pardon such behavior.

BELLADONNA, n.  In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly
poison.  A striking example of the essential identity of the two
tongues.

BENEDICTINES, n.  An order of monks otherwise known as black friars.

  She thought it a crow, but it turn out to be
      A monk of St. Benedict croaking a text.
  "Here's one of an order of cooks," said she --
      "Black friars in this world, fried black in the next."

"The Devil on Earth" (London, 1712)


BENEFACTOR, n.  One who makes heavy purchases of ingratitude, without,
however, materially affecting the price, which is still within the
means of all.

BERENICE'S HAIR, n.  A constellation (_Coma Berenices_) named in honor
of one who sacrificed her hair to save her husband.

  Her locks an ancient lady gave
  Her loving husband's life to save;
  And men -- they honored so the dame --
  Upon some stars bestowed her name.

  But to our modern married fair,
  Who'd give their lords to save their hair,
  No stellar recognition's given.