natural history. He wears eye-glasses and never looks any of us in the
face. And in French Madame A. said that my accent was the best. We've
got an awful lot on and I don't know whether I shall be able to write
every day. The younger girls say Professor Igel instead of Riegel and
the Weinmann girl said Nikel.

September 30th. I've had simply no time to write. Hella hasn't written
anything since the 24th. But I must write to-day for I met Robert in
Schottengasse. Good morning, Miss, you needn't be so stuck up, he said
as he went by. And when I turned round he had already passed, or I would
have given him a piece of my mind. I must go to supper.

October 1st. I can't write, Oswald has come from S., he has sprained his
ankle, but I'm not so sure because he can get about. He is awfully pale
and doesn't say a word about the pain.

October 4th. To-day is a holiday, the emperor's birthday. Yesterday Resi
told me something horrid. Oswald can't go back to S. He has been up
to something, I wish I knew what, perhaps something in the closet. He
always stays there such a long time, I noticed that when I was in the
country. Or perhaps it may have been something in his society. Inspee
pretends she knows what it is but of course it isn't true, for she
doesn't know any more than I do. Father is furious and Mother's eyes are
all red with crying. At dinner nobody says a word. If I could only find
out what he's done. Father was shouting at him yesterday and both Dora
and I heard what he said: You young scamp (then there was something we
couldn't understand) and then he said, you attend to your school books
and leave the girls and the married women alone you pitiful scoundrel.
And Dora said. Ah, now I understand and I said: Please tell me, he is my
brother as well as yours. But she said: "You wouldn't understand. It's
not suitable for such young ears." Fancy that, it's suitable for her
ears, but not mine though she's not quite three years older than I am,
but because she no longer wears a short skirt she gives herself the airs
of a grown-up _lady_. Such airs, and then she sneaks a great spoonful of
jam so that her mouth is stuffed with it and she can't speak. Whenever
I see her do this, I make a point of speaking to her so that she has to
answer. She does get in such a wax.

October 9th. I know all about it now. . . That's how babies come. And
_that_ is what Robert really meant. Not for me, thank you, I simply
won't marry. For if one marries one has to do it; it hurts frightfully
and yet one has to. What a good thing that I know it in time. But I wish
I knew exactly how, Hella says she doesn't know exactly herself. But
perhaps her cousin who knows everything about it will tell her. It
lasts nine months till the baby comes and then a lot of women die. It's
horrible. Hella has known it for a long time but she didn't like to tell
me. A girl told her last summer in the country. She wanted to talk about
it to Lizzi her sister, really she only wanted to ask if it was all true
and Lizzi ran off to her mother to tell her what Hella had said And her
mother said; "These children are awful, a corrupt generation, don't you
dare to repeat it to any other girl, to Grete Lainer, for instance," and
she gave her a box on the ear. As if she could help it! That is why she
didn't write to me for such a long time. Poor thing, poor thing, but now
she can tell me all about it and we won't betray one another. And that
deceitful cat Inspee has known all about it for ages and has never told
me. But I don't understand why that time at the swing Robert said: You
little fool, you wont get a baby simply from that. Perhaps Hella knows.
When I go to the gymnastic lesson to-morrow I shall talk to her first
and ask her about it. My goodness how curious I am to know.

October 10th. I'm in a great funk, I missed my gymnastic lesson
yesterday. I was upstairs at Hella's and without meaning it I was so
late I did not dare to go. And Hella said I had better stay with her
that we would say that our sum was so difficult that we had not got it
finished in time. Luckily we really had a sum to do. But I said nothing
about it at home, for to-morrow Oswald is going to G. to Herr S's. I
thought that I knew all about it but only now has Hella really told me
everything. It's a horrible business this . . . I really can't write it.
She says that of course Inspee has it already, had it when I wrote
that Inspee wouldn't bathe, did not want to bathe; really she had it.
Whatever happens one must always be anxious about it. _Streams of blood_
says Hella. But then everything gets all bl . . . That's why in the
country Inspee always switched off the light before she was quite
undressed, so that I couldn't see. Ugh! Catch me looking! It begins at
14 and goes on for 20 years or more. Hella says that Berta Franke in our
class knows all about it. In the arithmetic lesson she wrote a note: Do
you know what being un . . . is? Hella wrote back, of course I've known
it for a long time. Berta waited for her after class when the Catholics
were having their religion lesson and they went home together. I
remember quite well that I was very angry, for they're not chums. On
Tuesday Berta came with us, for Hella had sent her a note in class
saying that I knew _everything_ and she needn't bother about me. Inspee
suspects something, she's always spying about and sneering, perhaps she
thinks that she's the only person who ought to know anything.

October 16th. To-morrow is Father's and Dora's birthday. Every year it
annoys me that Dora should have her birthday on the same day as Father;
What annoys me most of all is that she is so cocky about it, for, as
Father always says, it's a mere chance. Besides, I don't think he really
likes it. Everyone wants to have their own birthday on their own day,
not to share it with someone else. And it's always nasty to be stuck up
about a thing like that. Besides, it's not going to be a real birthday
because of the row about Oswald. Father is still furious and had to stay
away from the office for 2 days because he had to go to G. to see about
Oswald going there.

October 17th. It was much jollier to-day than I had expected. All the
Bruckners came, so of course there was not much said about Oswald only
that he has sprained his ankle, (I know quite well now that that's not
true) and that he is probably going to G. Colonel B. said: The best