I must if necessary put an ocean between us. And I realized that I'd tolerated him this 
long because of self-doubt. I'd fooled myself into believing I stayed for the old man, 
and for my sister and her husband. But I stayed with Lestat because I was afraid he did 
know essential secrets as a vampire which I could not discover alone and, more important, 
because he was the only one of my kind whom I knew. He had never told me how he had 
become a vampire or where I might find a single other member of our kind. This troubled 
me greatly then, as much as it had for four years. I hated ° and wanted to leave him; yet 
could I leave him?
  "Meantime, as all this passed through my thoughts, Lestat continued his diatribe: he 
didn't need me; he wasn't going to put up with anything, especially not any threat from 
the Frenieres. We had to be ready when that door opened. `Remember!' he said to the 
finally. `Speed and strength; they cannot match us in that. And fear. Remember always, to 
strike fear. Don't be sentimental now! You'll cost us everything.'
  " `You wish to be on your own after this?' I asked him. I wanted him to say it. I did 
not have the courage. Or, rather, I did not know my own feelings.
  " `I want to get to New Orleans!' he said. `I was simply warning you I don't need you. 
But to get out of here we need each other. You don't begin to know how to use your 
powers! You have no innate sense of what you are! Use your persuasive powers with this 
woman if she comes. But if she comes with others, then be prepared to act like what you 
are.'
  " `Which is what?' I asked him, because it had never seemed such a mystery to me as it 
did at that time. `What am I?' He was openly disgusted. He threw up his hands.
  " `Be prepared . . . he said, now baring his magnificent teeth, `to kill!' He looked 
suddenly at the boards overhead. `They're going to bed up there, do you hear them?' After 
a long silent time during which Lestat paced and I sat there musing, plumbing my mind for 
what I might do or say to Babette or, deeper still, for the answer to a harder 
question-what did I feel for Babette? After a long time, a light flared beneath the door. 
Lestat was poised to jump whoever should open it. It was Babette alone and she entered 
with a lamp, not seeing Lestat, who stood behind her, but looking directly at me.
  "I had never seen her as she looked then; her hair was down for bed, a mass of dark 
waves behind her white dressing gown; and her face was tight with worry and fear. This 
gave it a feverish radiance and made her large brown eyes all the more huge. As I have 
told you, I loved her strength and honesty, the greatness of her soul. And I did not feel 
passion for her as you would feel it. But I found her more alluring than any woman I'd 
known in mortal life. Even in the severe dressing gown, her arms and breasts were round 
and soft; and she seemed to me an intriguing soul clothed in rich, mysterious flesh. I 
who am hard and spare and dedicated to a purpose, felt drawn to her irresistibly; and, 
knowing it could only culminate in death, I turned away from her at once, wondering if 
when she gazed into my eyes she found them dead and soulless.
  "`You are the one who came to me before,' she said now, as if she hadn't been sure. 
`And you are the owner of Pointe du Lac. You argil' I knew as she spoke that she must 
have heard the wildest stories of last night, and there would be no convincing her of any 
lie. I had used my unnatural appearance twice to reach her, to speak to her; I could not 
hide it or minimize it now.
  " `I mean you no harm.,' I said to her. `I need only a carriage and horses . . . the 
horses I left last night in the pasture.' She didn't seem to hear my words; she drew 
closer, determined to catch me in the circle of her light.
  "And then I saw Lestat behind her, his shadow merging with her shadow on the brick 
wall; he was anxious and dangerous. `You will give me the carriage?' I insisted. She was 
looking at me now, the lamp raised; and just when I meant to look away, I saw her face 
change. It went still, blank, as if her soul were losing its consciousness. She closed 
her eyes and shook her head. It occurred to me that I had somehow caused her to go into a 
trance without any effort on my part. `What are you!' she whispered. `You're from the 
devil. You were from the devil when you came to met'
  " 'The devil!' I answered her. This distressed me more than I thought I could be 
distressed. If she believed this, then she would think my counsel bad; she would question 
herself. Her life was rich and good, and I knew she mustn't do this. Like all strong 
people, she suffered always a measure of loneliness; she was a marginal outsider, a 
secret infidel of a certain sort. And the balance by which she lived might be upset if 
she were to question her own goodness. She stared at me with undisguised horror. It was 
as if in horror she forgot her own vulnerable position. And now Lestat, who was drawn to 
weakness like a parched man to water, grabbed her wrist, and she screamed and dropped the 
lamp. The flames leaped in the splattered oil, and Lestat pulled her backwards towards 
the open door. `You get the carriage!' he said to her. `Get it now, and the horses. You 
are in mortal danger; don't talk of devils!'
  "I stomped on the flames and went for Lestat, shouting at him to leave her. He had her 
by both wrists, and she was furious. `You'll rouse the house if you don't shut up!' he 
said to me. `And I'll kill her! Get the carriage . . . lead us. Talk to the stable boy!' 
he said to her, pushing her into the open air..
  "We moved slowly across the dark court, my distress almost unbearable, Lestat ahead of 
me; and before us both Babette, who moved backwards, her eyes peering at us in the dark. 
Suddenly she stopped One dim light burned in the house above. `I'll get you nothing!' she 
said. I reached for Lestat's arm and told him I must handle this. `She'll reveal us to 
everyone unless you let me talk to her,' I whispered to him.
  " `Then get yourself in check,' he said disgustedly. `Be strong. Don't quibble with 
her.'
  " `You go as I talk . . . go to the stables and get the carriage and the horses. But 
don't kill!' Whether he'd obey me or not I didn't know, but he darted away just as .I 
stepped up to Babette. Her face was a mixture of fury and resolution. She said, `Get thee 
behind me, Satan.' And I stood there before her then, speechless, just holding her in my 
glance as surely as she held me. If she could hear Lestat in the night she gave no 
indication. Her hatred for me burned me like fire.
  " `Why do you say this to me?' I asked. `Was the counsel I gave you. bad? Did I do you 
harm? I came to help you, to give you strength. I thought only of you, when I had no need 
to think of you at all.'
  "She shook her head. `But why, why do you talk to me like this?' she asked. `I know 
what you've done at Pointe du Lac; you've lived there like a devil! The slaves are wild 
with stories! All day men have been on the river road on the way to Pointe du Lac; my 
husband was there! He saw the house in ruins, the bodies of slaves throughout the 
orchards, the fields. What are you! Why do you speak to me gently! What do you want of 
me?' She clung now to the pillars of the porch and was backing slowly to the staircase. 
Something moved above in the lighted window.
  " `I cannot give you such answers now,' I said to her. `Believe me when I tell you I 
came to you only to do you goad. And would not have brought worry and care to you last 
night for anything, had I the choice!' "
  The vampire stopped.
  The boy sat forward, his eyes wide. The vampire was frozen, staring off, lost in his 
thoughts, his memory. And the boy looked down suddenly, as if this were the respectful 
thing to do. He glanced again at the vampire and then away, his own face as distressed as 
the vampire's; and then he started to say something, but he stopped.