fact, I saw Jimmy show him more genuine attention, not that needy attention he showed me, 
but the kind of attention every girl wants but never gets from a boy. That adoration kind 
of attention.
  And Owen was milking it. I know he was. I asked Marnie later on, and she said I was 
imagining things, that Jimmy had been bedding girls since eighth grade, that it was just 
that boy thing. That’s what she said, “That prep school boy thing where they get together 
and they touch each other and they tell dirty jokes and they check each other out. It’s 
because they both want you. They need to check out the competition,” she said.
  But I don’t know. I stood there, feeling embarrassed and humiliated, and at my party.
  At my own party.
  Finally I couldn’t stand it.
  Jimmy leaned forward and whispered something to him. It was like slow motion. I can 
remember it now like it’s still in front of my face. I saw his lips move as he whispered, 
and I saw Owen lean into him, and Jimmy’s hand was on Owen’s shoulder, and maybe I was 
hallucinating or maybe I saw what I saw, but I think Jimmy McTeague placed the barest 
whisper of a kiss on Owen’s ear, at my party, with me watching, with me having to bear 
witness to it. God, it's so gothic. It’s so…Fire Island. It really hit me hard.
  I began crying, without knowing I was doing it, weeping, just standing there, and Alec 
took my hand and said, “Aw, princess, what’s up?”
  And I shook myself free of that crowd, and I walked right over to those two horrible 
boys, that horrible Jimmy McTeague and I whispered, “If you embarrass me here, I will 
destroy you.”
  And then, of course, I had to go back to my party.
  I had to.
  I had an obligation to my friends. I was not going to let the boy who had been sleeping 
with me for nearly two months humiliate me in front of my friends.
  It wasn’t until the next morning that I opened the gift that Owen had given me, and 
that’s pretty much why I freaked out, with my usual panache. I didn’t want to see Owen 
again.
  Ever.
  But I knew that Jimmy would still be mine, no matter what we both went through to be 
together.
  After all, remember these things:
  The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make 
the most of everything that comes along their way.
  Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those 
who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched 
their lives.
  Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.
  The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can’t go on well in 
life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
  When I think of all I’ve had to deal with, particularly with Jimmy, these words bring 
me comfort.
  Oh yeah, what Owen gave me for my birthday.
  It was a gun. A crap-ass gun at that. It was tiny. It had some pearly kind of handle, 
and the safety looked like it had rusted out, and I couldn’t get the little clippy thingy 
off if I tried. I thought it was a joke at first, but I guess not.
  It looks like something that you’d buy from some little old lady in Brooklyn, some 
little old lady with a thousand cats and one of those old fox furs who chainsmokes and 
lives in a studio she’s had since the 1950s.
  Still, it was a gun, and I have to admit, it was the creepiest thing he could’ve given 
me.
  He scares me a little.
  I mean, what kind of psycho gift is that?
  
  
  Chapter Five
  After the party 
  1
  Jimmy grabbed Owen’s elbow, laughing, the smell of beer and tequila mixed in the air, 
and Owen giggled, too, and said, “Let’s go to the jetty. It's beautiful there. You can 
see the north star.”
  “You know the north star?”
  “Yeah. I know all the stars. I’m an islander. I know the dippers and scorpio, too.”
  “You’re a Mooncalf,” Jimmy said, his grin big and goofy and not the controlled jock 
he’d once seemed. “God I wish I knew the stars like you. I want to just — just — look at 
the stars and know which ones they are, and where the earth is in relation to them.”
  The party spun around them, and Owen had a vague sense that Jenna's eyes floated around 
his every move. She’ll understand, he thought. Someday, she’ll understand.
  “She’s a bitch,” Jimmy whispered, as if reading his thoughts. “She and her friends and 
half these people here. All these quote unquote friends of mine, of ours, who are they? 
Damn it, who are they? And Jenna. Christ. Jenna.”
  “No, she’s cool,” Owen said. “Let’s go. The jetty.”
  “God yeah, show me the stars,” Jimmy said, and he kept saying it over and over again as 
they stumbled their way down the path along the bluffs, and every now and then Owen 
stopped and let Jimmy take his hand. Jimmy’s hand was warm, and above them, the sounds of 
the party spun, and the smell of pine and sea mingled.
  The moon cut a path for them all the way to the jetty, and by the time they got there, 
Jimmy had already grabbed Owen hard and pulled him close to him until their chests 
pressed together, their thighs met, and he pressed his lips to Owen’s mouth.
  2
  Voices in the dark:
  “It’s all right, I know you. I know what we both want.”
  “Shut up. Just shut up.”
  “Come here. Come here. Let me help you. It’s all right. It feels good.”
  “No, not like this. No.”
  “I’ve been so lonely.”
  “Oh.”
  “Wanting this.”
  “Oh.”
  “Since the first time I saw you.”
  “Oh.”
  “Does this feel good?”
  “Ah.”
  “Will you let me take you?”
  “Oh.”
  “Ask me.”
  “Oh.”
  “Ask me.”
  “Owen, take me? Owen? Take me.”