The Internet Wiretap 1st Online Edition of

                      THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY

                                by 

                          AMBROSE BIERCE

           Copyright 1911 by Albert and Charles Boni, Inc.
               A Public Domain Text, Copyright Expired

                       Released April 15 1993

                 Entered by Aloysius of &tSftDotIotE
                     aloysius@west.darkside.com

                              PREFACE

_The Devil's Dictionary_ was begun in a weekly paper in 1881, and was 
continued in a desultory way at long intervals until 1906.  In that 
year a large part of it was published in covers with the title _The 
Cynic's Word Book_, a name which the author had not the power to 
reject or happiness to approve.  To quote the publishers of the 
present work:
    "This more reverent title had previously been forced upon him by 
the religious scruples of the last newspaper in which a part of the 
work had appeared, with the natural consequence that when it came out 
in covers the country already had been flooded by its imitators with a 
score of 'cynic' books -- _The Cynic's This_, _The Cynic's That_, and 
_The Cynic's t'Other_.  Most of these books were merely stupid, though 
some of them added the distinction of silliness.  Among them, they 
brought the word 'cynic' into disfavor so deep that any book bearing 
it was discredited in advance of publication."
    Meantime, too, some of the enterprising humorists of the country 
had helped themselves to such parts of the work as served their needs, 
and many of its definitions, anecdotes, phrases and so forth, had 
become more or less current in popular speech.  This explanation is 
made, not with any pride of priority in trifles, but in simple denial 
of possible charges of plagiarism, which is no trifle.  In merely 
resuming his own the author hopes to be held guiltless by those to 
whom the work is addressed -- enlightened souls who prefer dry wines 
to sweet, sense to sentiment, wit to humor and clean English to slang.
    A conspicuous, and it is hope not unpleasant, feature of the book 
is its abundant illustrative quotations from eminent poets, chief of 
whom is that learned and ingenius cleric, Father Gassalasca Jape, 
S.J., whose lines bear his initials.  To Father Jape's kindly 
encouragement and assistance the author of the prose text is greatly 
indebted.
                                                                  A.B.

                                  A

ABASEMENT, n.  A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence 
of wealth of power.  Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when 
addressing an employer.

ABATIS, n.  Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside 
from molesting the rubbish inside.

ABDICATION, n.  An act whereby a sovereign attests his sense of the 
high temperature of the throne.

    Poor Isabella's Dead, whose abdication
    Set all tongues wagging in the Spanish nation.
    For that performance 'twere unfair to scold her:
    She wisely left a throne too hot to hold her.
    To History she'll be no royal riddle --
    Merely a plain parched pea that jumped the griddle.
                                                                  G.J.

ABDOMEN, n.  The temple of the god Stomach, in whose worship, with 
sacrificial rights, all true men engage.  From women this ancient 
faith commands but a stammering assent.  They sometimes minister at 
the altar in a half-hearted and ineffective way, but true reverence 
for the one deity that men really adore they know not.  If woman had a 
free hand in the world's marketing the race would become 
graminivorous.

ABILITY, n.  The natural equipment to accomplish some small part of 
the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones.  In the 
last analysis ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high 
degree of solemnity.  Perhaps, however, this impressive quality is 
rightly appraised; it is no easy task to be solemn.

ABNORMAL, adj.  Not conforming to standard.  In matters of thought and 
conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be 
detested.  Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the 
straiter [sic] resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself.  
Whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death and 
the hope of Hell.

ABORIGINIES, n.  Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a 
newly discovered country.  They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.

ABRACADABRA.

    By _Abracadabra_ we signify
        An infinite number of things.