Miss Goton was, in fact, a singular personage. She was not handsome,
yet there was a certain something in her figure which could not easily
be forgotten, and this for an old fool, I am too often convinced of.
Her eyes, in particular, neither corresponded with her age, her
height, nor her manner; she had a lofty imposing air which agreed
extremely well with the character she assumed, but the most
extraordinary part of her composition was a mixture of forwardness and
reserve difficult to be conceived; and while she took the greatest
liberties with me, would never permit any to be taken with her in
return, treating me precisely like a child. This makes me suppose
she had either ceased herself to be one, or was yet sufficiently so to
behold us play the danger to which this folly exposed her.

  I was so absolutely in the power of both these mistresses, that when
in the presence of either, I never thought of her who was absent; in
other respects, the effects they produced on me bore no affinity. I
could have passed my whole life with Miss Vulson, without forming a
wish to quit her; but then, my satisfaction was attended with a
pleasing serenity; and, in numerous companies, I was particularly
charmed with her. The sprightly sallies of her wit, the arch glance of
her eye, even jealousy itself, strengthened my attachment, and I
triumphed in the preference she seemed to bestow on me, while
addressed by more powerful rivals; applause, encouragement, and
smiles, gave animation to my happiness. Surrounded by a throng of
observers, I felt the whole force of love- I was passionate,
transported; in a tete-a-tete, I should have been constrained,
thoughtful, perhaps unhappy. If Miss Vulson was ill, I suffered with
her; would willingly have given up my own health to establish hers
(and, observe, I knew the want of it from experience); if absent,
she employed my thoughts, I felt the want of her; when present, her
caresses came with warmth and rapture to my heart, though my senses
were unaffected. The familiarities she bestowed on me I could not have
supported the idea of her granting to another; I loved her with a
brother's affection only, but experienced all the jealousy of a lover.

  With Miss Goton this passion might have acquired a degree of fury; I
should have been a Turk, a tiger, had I once imagined she bestowed her
favors on any but myself. The pleasure I felt on approaching Miss
Vulson was sufficiently ardent, though unattended with uneasy
sensations; but at sight of Miss Goton, I felt myself bewildered-
every sense was absorbed in ecstasy. I believe it would have been
impossible to have remained long with her; I must have been suffocated
with the violence of my palpitations. I equally dreaded giving
either of them displeasure; with one I was more complaisant; with
the other, more submissive. I would not have offended Miss Vulson
for the world; but if Miss Goton had commanded me to throw myself into
the flames, I think I should have instantly obeyed her. Happily,
both for her and myself, our amours, or rather rendezvous, were not of
long duration: and though my connection with Miss Vulson was less
dangerous, after a continuance of some greater length, that likewise
had its catastrophe; indeed the termination of a love affair is good
for nothing, unless it partakes of the romantic, and can furnish out
at least an exclamation.

  Though my correspondence with Miss Vulson was less animated, it
was perhaps more endearing; we never separated without tears, and it
can hardly be conceived what a void I felt in my heart. I could
neither think nor speak of anything but her. These romantic sorrows
were not affected, though I am inclined to believe they did not
absolutely center in her, for I am persuaded (though I did not
perceive it at that time) being deprived of amusement bore a
considerable share in them.

  To soften the rigor of absence, we agreed to correspond with each
other, and the pathetic expressions these letters contained were
sufficient to have split a rock. In a word, I had the honor of her not
being able to endure the pain of separation. She came to see me at
Geneva.

  My head was now completely turned; and during the two days she
remained here, I was intoxicated with delight. At her departure, I
would have thrown myself into the water after her, and absolutely rent
the air with my cries. The week following she sent me sweetmeats,
gloves, etc. This certainly would have appeared extremely gallant, had
I not been informed of her marriage at the same instant, and that
the journey I had thought proper to give myself the honor of, was only
to buy her wedding suit.

  My indignation may easily be conceived; I shall not attempt to
describe it. In this heroic fury, I swore never more to see the
perfidious girl, supposing it the greatest punishment that could be
inflicted on her. This, however, did not occasion her death, for
twenty years after while on a visit to my father, being on the lake, I
asked who those ladies were in a boat not far from ours. "What!"
said my father, smiling, "does not your heart inform you? It is your
former flame, it is Madam Christin, or, if you please, Miss Vulson." I
started at the almost forgotten name, and instantly ordered the
waterman to turn off, not judging it worth while to be perjured,
however favorable the opportunity for revenge, in renewing a dispute
of twenty years past, with a woman of forty.

  Thus, before my future destination was determined, did I fool away
the most precious moments of my youth. After deliberating a long
time on the bent of my natural inclination, they resolved to dispose
of me in a manner the most repugnant to them. I was sent to Mr.
Masseron, the City Register, to learn (according to the expression
of my uncle Bernard) the thriving occupation of a scraper. This
nickname was inconceivably displeasing to me, and I promised myself
but little satisfaction in the prospect of heaping up money by a
mean employment. The assiduity and subjection required completed my