first good-natured wench that came in his way, amidst the ruins of
demolished houses and the groans of half-buried and expiring persons.

  Pangloss pulled him by the sleeve. "Friend," said he, "this is not
right, you trespass against the universal reason, and have mistaken
your time."

  "Death and zounds!" answered the other, "I am a sailor and was
born at Batavia, and have trampled four times upon the crucifix in
as many voyages to Japan; you have come to a good hand with your
universal reason."

  In the meantime, Candide, who had been wounded by some pieces of
stone that fell from the houses, lay stretched in the street, almost
covered with rubbish.

  "For God's sake," said he to Pangloss, "get me a little wine and
oil! I am dying."

  "This concussion of the earth is no new thing," said Pangloss,
"the city of Lima in South America experienced the same last year; the
same cause, the same effects; there is certainly a train of sulphur
all the way underground from Lima to Lisbon."

  "Nothing is more probable," said Candide; "but for the love of God a
little oil and wine."

  "Probable!" replied the philosopher, "I maintain that the thing is
demonstrable."

  Candide fainted away, and Pangloss fetched him some water from a
neighboring spring. The next day, in searching among the ruins, they
found some eatables with which they repaired their exhausted strength.
After this they assisted the inhabitants in relieving the distressed
and wounded. Some, whom they had humanely assisted, gave them as
good a dinner as could be expected under such terrible
circumstances. The repast, indeed, was mournful, and the company
moistened their bread with their tears; but Pangloss endeavored to
comfort them under this affliction by affirming that things could
not be otherwise that they were.

  "For," said he, "all this is for the very best end, for if there
is a volcano at Lisbon it could be in no other spot; and it is
impossible but things should be as they are, for everything is for the
best."

  By the side of the preceptor sat a little man dressed in black,
who was one of the familiars of the Inquisition. This person, taking
him up with great complaisance, said, "Possibly, my good sir, you do
not believe in original sin; for, if everything is best, there could
have been no such thing as the fall or punishment of man."

  Your Excellency will pardon me," answered Pangloss, still more
politely; "for the fall of man and the curse consequent thereupon
necessarily entered into the system of the best of worlds."

  "That is as much as to say, sir," rejoined the familiar, "you do not
believe in free will."

  "Your Excellency will be so good as to excuse me," said Pangloss,
"free will is consistent with absolute necessity; for it was necessary
we should be free, for in that the will-"

  Pangloss was in the midst of his proposition, when the familiar
beckoned to his attendant to help him to a glass of port wine.

  CHAPTER 6

  How the Portuguese Made a Superb Auto-De-Fe to Prevent Any Future

    Earthquakes, and How Candide Underwent Public Flagellation

  After the earthquake, which had destroyed three-fourths of the
city of Lisbon, the sages of that country could think of no means more
effectual to preserve the kingdom from utter ruin than to entertain
the people with an auto-da-fe, it having been decided by the
University of Coimbra, that the burning of a few people alive by a
slow fire, and with great ceremony, is an infallible preventive of
earthquakes.

  In consequence thereof they had seized on a Biscayan for marrying
his godmother, and on two Portuguese for taking out the bacon of a
larded pullet they were eating; after dinner they came and secured Dr.
Pangloss, and his pupil Candide, the one for speaking his mind, and
the other for seeming to approve what he had said. They were conducted
to separate apartments, extremely cool, where they were never
incommoded with the sun. Eight days afterwards they were each
dressed in a sanbenito, and their heads were adorned with paper
mitres. The mitre and sanbenito worn by Candide were painted with
flames reversed and with devils that had neither tails nor claws;
but Dr. Pangloss's devils had both tails and claws, and his flames
were upright. In these habits they marched in procession, and heard
a very pathetic sermon, which was followed by an anthem, accompanied
by bagpipes. Candide was flogged to some tune, while the anthem was
being sung; the Biscayan and the two men who would not eat bacon
were burned, and Pangloss was hanged, which is not a common custom
at these solemnities. The same day there was another earthquake, which
made most dreadful havoc.

  Candide, amazed, terrified, confounded, astonished, all bloody,