August 18th. Yesterday evening we had illuminations
in honour of the emperor's birthday. We didn't
get home until half past twelve. At first we went
to a concert in the park and to the illuminations.
They fired salutes from the hills and there were beacons
flaring on the hill-tops; it was rather creepy although
it was wonderful. My teeth chattered once or
twice, I don't know whether I was afraid something
would happen or why it was. Then R. came and
talked such a lot. He is set on going into the army.
For that he needn't learn so much, and what he's learning
now is of no use to him. He says that doesn't
matter, that knowledge will give him a great pull. I
don't think he looks stupid, though Oswald says so to
make me angry. All at once we found ourselves quite
away from the others and so we sat on a bench to wait
for them. Then I asked R. once more about the other
societies, the ones in which they do such improper
things. But he wouldn't tell me for he said he would
not rob me of my innocence. I thought that very
stupid, and I said that perhaps he didn't know himself
and it was all put on. All that happened, he said,
was that anyone who joined the society was tickled
until he couldn't stand it any longer. And once one
of them got St. Vitus's dance, that is frightful
convulsions and they were afraid that everything would
come out. And since then in their society no more
tickling had been allowed. Shall I tickle you a little?
I don't understand you, I said, and anyhow you
daren't.

He gave a great laugh and suddenly he seized me
and tickled me under the arm. It made me want to
laugh frightfully, but I stifled it for there were still
lots of people going by. So he gave that up and
tickled my hand. I liked it at first, but then I got
angry and dragged my hand away. Just then Inspee
went by with two other girls and directly they had
passed us we followed close behind as if we had been
walking like that all the time. It saved me a wigging
from Mother, for she always wants us all to keep together.
As we went along R. said: Look out, Gretel,
I'm going to tickle you some day until you scream.--
How absurd, I won't have it, it takes two to do that.

By the way, in the raffle I won a vase with 2
turtledoves and a bag of sweets and R. won a knife, fork
and spoon. That annoyed him frightfully. Inspee
won a fountain pen, just what I want, and a mirror
which makes one look a perfect fright. A good job
too, for she fancies herself such a lot.

August 29th. O dear, such an awful thing has
happened. I have lost pages 30 to 34 from my diary.
I must have left them in the garden, or else on the
Louisenhohe. It's positively fiendish. If anyone was
to find them. And I don't know exactly what there
was on those pages. I was born to ill luck. If I
hadn't promised Hella to write my diary every day
I should like to give up the whole thing. Fancy if
Mother were to get hold of it, or even Father. And
it's raining so fearfully to-day that I can't even go
into the garden and still less on the Louisenhohe above
all not alone. I must have lost it the day before yesterday,
for I didn't write anything yesterday or the
day before. It would be dreadful if anyone were to
find it. I am so much upset that I couldn't eat anything
at dinner, although we had my favourite
chocolate cream cake. And I'm so unhappy for Father
was quite anxious and Mother too and they both
asked what was the matter with me and I nearly
burst out crying before everyone. We had dinner in
the hotel to-day because Resi had gone away for 2
days. But I couldn't cry in the room before Father
and Mother for that would have given the show away.
My only hope is that no one will recognise my writing,
for Hella and I use upright writing for our diary,
first of all so that no one may recognise our writing
and secondly because upright writing doesn't use up
so much paper as ordinary writing. I do hope it
will be fine to-morrow so that I can hunt in the garden
very early. I have been utterly in the dumps all day
so that I didn't even get cross when Inspee said:
"Have you been quarrelling with your future husband?"

August 30th. It's not in the garden. I begged
Mother to let us go to Louisenhutte this afternoon.
Mother was awfully nice and asked what I was so
worried about, and whether anything had happened.
Then I couldn't keep it in any longer and burst out
crying. Mother said I must have lost something,
and this gave me an awful fright. Mother thought
it was Hella's letter, the one which came on Tuesday,
so I said: No, much worse than that, my diary.
Mother said: Oh well, that's not such a terrible loss,
and will be of no interest to anyone. Oh yes, I said,
for there are all sorts of things written in it about
R. and his society. Look here, Gretel, said Mother,
I don't like this way you talk about R.; I really don't